just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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