if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's the barista slut.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
