So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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