I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
