I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
