I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
