I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
