im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
