dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dont even know how to be here
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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