Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
