White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
