He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
