Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
