chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
