i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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