Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
