Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
