he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
