I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
