maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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