Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
