Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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