Your face is a jimmy john
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
how does that bad decision feel?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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