if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
