Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
