ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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