some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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