I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
