I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
