while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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