I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
