So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize