things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
