I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize