Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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