so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
