saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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