I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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