I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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