He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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