so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You can't special order awesome
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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