Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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