You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
