Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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