I can't breathe out the right side of my face
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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