At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
