well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
