two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
