If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
