Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
