Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
