You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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