I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize