Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She just used a chaser for red wine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
