peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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