so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
