the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
