i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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