I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
