I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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