i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
