im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
