Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
