i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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