Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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