He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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