You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
