hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
