Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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